The way my body molds for someone else’s is disgusting. It breathes heavy on my spine makes me wonder how I’m fine with another human attached to my hips. But you caress my lips.. And I swear to God I’m fine. The only thing I ever break are promises to myself. The only thing I ever take are books from my minds shelf. Study, read, throw up, and repeat. Learning things from my memory I could only hope to keep. Worrying my ulcers into other ulcers and my heart acting like a pulser. We’re all people fucking other people fucking the same thing, flesh. Flesh acting like skin, matter acting like sex. I’ve got this naked confidence in my veins, a blood transfusion from my pains. A mind that wanders all the same.. I wonder what it’s like to hold someone to your chest and leave the rest alone. I wonder what it’s like to put your fingers inside someone else and not inside your own. I wonder what it’s like to have an overdressed confidence bleeding from self brilliance I wonder what that’s like. Because no matter what God you believe in we’re still sinners all the same. And If you knew me, you would know when I hold somebody I fucking cling to their clothes and I dig into their bones. I’m still numb to this day.. God how I want it to fucking go away. With every cigarette I’ve smoked I feel the confidence I’ve choked..but you choked me more by opening up your lips and moving around your hips and breathing into my throat while you whispered that four letter word that could make my heart choke. You see love is like an orgasm of the heart that doesn’t stop but never starts. There’s no beginning and no end. That’s the birth of naked confidence, it’s where I started accepting compliments.
This is the first poem I’ve ever made public. It’s the first raw thing I ever wrote. If you just read that, you read my heart. My name is Abby, and I’m not afraid anymore.